Shizaya - Breaking and Entering

Breaking and Entering

Writing a Shizaya because SAI is crashing

Izaya lay on his back, facing the clear summer sky with a look of absolute disgust. Sweat and dirt coated his skin and making his thin t-shirt stick uncomfortably to him. Also the fact he wasn't wearing any pants wasn't really helping the 'uncomfortable factor'. This was probably the main reason Izaya was seriously menacing the sky, as if he could make it start raining pants. And soap. And maybe some regular old rain too.

As you can probably guess, our little raven-haired informant isn't pleased with his current state. It would have been bearable, though, if her were close to his apartment. If he were on the roof of his own complex he would have just slipped inside unnoticed, with at least one shred of his dignity intact. But no. This situation was made a billion times worse, at least in Izayas' eye, by the fact he wasn't anywhere near his house.

He was lying on the roof of a tall blond debt-collectors' complex.

And he was sweaty.

And dirty.

And he had no pants.

Of course, he could probably sneak back to his apartment with a minimal amount incident, but the only thing stopping him from attempting this daring escape is that one of the 'minimal incidents' would be an encounter with Heiwajima Shizuo, who always had a knack for finding him, no matter how much he didn't want to be found.

Izaya isn't afraid of the monster. Or course not. He's Izaya. But if he were to encounter him under normal circumstances, he would have his pocket knife to rely on for protection. But his pocket knife is in his back pocket. The back pocket of his pants. It always comes down to his mysterious lack of pants, doesn't it?

A mystery that may never be solved, because Izaya refuses to ever speak of it after this day.

But then, after glaring so hard at the sky that he got a headache, Izaya had an amazing idea. He'd break into the monsters' house and steal some of his pants. He glanced at his watch. 2:00pm. The blonde would still be at work by this time, wouldn't he? His mind was made up, he was breaking the fuck in. Even if Shizuo somehow sensed the flea climbing through his window, it would take him a while to get there and stop him, giving the informant plenty of time to make his grand escape from this godforsaken hell hole of a complex.

Rolling onto his stomach, he pushed himself to his feet with a tired grunt. He half limped over to the edge of the roof and dropped to his knees, leaning his whole body over to peer through the closest window. He counted the doors down the edge of the outer wall and determined which one led to pants. And freedom.

He scooted down the edge of the roof and found Shizuos' kitchen window, conveniently hidden from street view by a nearby tree. He hoped down to the sturdiest looking branch and worked his way over to the window.

It was halfway open.

Yes.

Izaya did a mental happy dance as a smirk played across his sweaty face. He braced the window with his head and worked his hand through the opening, undoing it all the way. He stretched both arms into the opened window and braced them on the wall, pulling himself in. Taking into account how unbearably hot it was and how long Izaya had been in the sun, it was no surprise when he knocked over a few dozen dishes as he tried to climb over the sink that was in his way.

Once he was firmly planted on the ground, Izaya took in his surroundings.

It was dark, the only light coming in through two windows in the living room and kitchen. It was also smoky, suffocating, Izaya had to take a few shallow breaths to get himself adjusted to the thick air. He stared at the living room, front hallway, and kitchen, which was very easy because it seemed they all occupied the same small, messy, space.

Izaya took one last glance at the toppled kitchenware before heading down the only hallway to find Shizuos' bedroom. This proved to be simple because there where two doors, and one of them was open to reveal a bathroom. Izayas' smile grew wider as he neared the door, cracking it open a centimeter before swinging it open the whole way.

It was even darker in the bedroom. The light was off and the curtains where drawn, plunging the whole room in almost complete darkness. The air was also a fair bit heavier in the cramped space, but Izaya was trying to ignore it as he worked his way towards what he assumed to be a chest of drawers. He pulled open the third drawer down and started looking through it's contents.

In the darkness of Shizuos' bedroom, he was forced to grope his way through the clothing, pressing and trying to find something vaguely pants shaped. His hand stopped dead in their frantic search when they came into contact with a cold, foil package. Fear and a wave of nausea came over him quickly, but his curiosity was greater than his need to stop looking in this drawer.

He pulled on the package.

A string of about 20 condoms followed his hand as it existed the drawer.

Izaya didn't know whether to scream, cry, or run. The image of Shizuo needing to use these made Izaya throw the whole lot of them back in the drawer with a small gagging noise.

"What the fuck are you doing."

It came out as a statement, not a question. He was frozen to the spot.

"I said," A large, hot hand grabbed his gritty shoulder so hard it would bruise, spun him around, slamming him into the chest of drawers, effectively closing them. "What the fuck are you doing, flea."

Izaya scanned the area behind Shizuo, looking for a way out, and escape. Alas, no such luck. Shizuo pressed down harder on the informants shoulder, Izaya cried out in surprise, his voice groggy from heat stroke.

Shizuo glared down at Izaya so hard he thought he might just burn a hole through him. The blonde leaned towards him, "I thought I heard a fucking rat fucking around in the kitchen." He growled, his voice sounding gravely and hazy, like he had just woken up.

'Oh.'

Izaya mentally punched himself. It was a fucking Sunday.

Sunday.

Looking up at Shizuos' face, Izaya saw something he didn't expect. A smile. A really evil smile. It made him cringe.

"I finally have you right where I want you." He whispered. "You're dead."

All at once Izaya was let out of the blondes' grasp, only for a second, before he felt his ankle jerk very painfully out from under him. Shizuo dragged Izaya by the leg down the hallway and into the living room/kitchen/front hallway and pulled open a sliding glass door that lead to a balcony outside.

'How did I not fucking notice that?' His thoughts cut short as he was hauled into the air by his leg, the sudden fresh air hitting his lungs full-on. He looked up, or down depending on perspective, and saw the street below. His head snapped back to his left, staring wide-eyed at the blonde debt-collector.

"What, no smart mouth? Not even a fight?" Shizuo was smiling still, holding firm to Izaya. "You break into my room, with no pants on, and rummage through my drawers," Izaya thought back to the drawer and cringed again, "and you don't even want to tell me why?".

He was trying, really, Izaya was trying to think of something, anything, to say. His last words. But all the blood had rushed to his head, he was probably suffering heat-stroke, and he in all honesty, he no longer had anything he could say to get him out of this. But he took this moment to take in Shizuos' appearance, just so that when he died, his ghost would know exactly who to haunt.

He wore only a t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair sticking up in every direction and he had very heavy bags sitting under his eyes. Then Izaya's gaze turned lower and he noticed something. He noticed the tent in Shizuo's pants.

He couldn't stifle his laughter.

It tore out of his lungs, shaking his whole body as it did so. Izaya was laughing so hard he was rocking back and forth in Shizuo's grasp. The debt-collector glared.

"What the fuck is so fucking funny!?" He shouted, this did nothing to stop Izaya's fit. He merely stretched a hang out and pointed to the bulge in Shizuos' pants.

The blondes face went from angry, to confused, to red in the span of about 5 seconds. He tightened his grip on Izaya. "YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WOKE ME UP. IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT." He shouted, voice still sticky from sleep.

It was getting harder to breathe for Izaya. His lungs still fighting against the strain of laughter and the lingering smoke that stuck in his throat. His head was getting even more jumbled as a heavy headache blossomed bigger with every giggle. His breathing got more forced as he tried in vain to stop his fit, faintly hearing Shizuo shouting in the background as his voice got further and further away.

Then everything stopped.


I'll finish it later?
_{tehehe smutting it up}